I chose happiness.
The first two days of this self recovery/rediscovery journey definitely has its ups and downs. I picked up the ukulele and realized how rusty I have gotten. The most I was about to play is Amazing Grace, and that is after 2 hours of messing around with the strings. I did my little prayer and giving thanks on my first night and noticed that it had a positive effect on me right before bed. However, I did forget about it last night and only managed a little time on the MRT this morning. Going through this plan and remembering the guidelines, I am realizing that it is definitely a lot more effort than I had imagined. I do want to stick to it and continue with it to see how I am (hopefully) able to transform. One of the key things that is not in the guideline is writing. I will keep writing down my reflections and experiences during this 30 day period.
Well, there were two incidents that struck me yesterday evening and this morning.
I was sitting in the bus and a thought came to mind. Reflecting on the day, I am realizing, well remembering how tough it was moving to the states for the first time. I remembered crying to sleep and whining to my family that I rather be at home. I remembered how difficult it was to make friends and understand the american culture. Language was definitely one of the barriers as I was not as fluent in English as I am now. I continued to let my mind wonder down memory lane. The same cycle happened when I moved to London. It wasn’t easy and it sure took a lot of effort for the memories, friendships that I have built over the past two years. It struck me how easily I have forgotten the difficult moments in life and only remembering the good bits. But I am also wondering whether this happens to people in general. Most people do tend to forget difficult periods in life, once they have overcome it that is. When we were 17, studying late nights for SPM and deciding between which path to take were extremely painful. Yet, I remember my grades and good old school times more often than how I made it through high school.
Remembering my struggles and mediating on the idea that I have overcome those difficulties in life have an enormous impact on my outlook here and now.
On a different note, I read a blog about an American who lived in Singapore and stalked his profile (don’t judge me!). He used this phase that I found extremely powerful. At some point in life, he decided to chose happiness. What did he mean by happiness? I guess this is a relatively subjective construct. He created a life list, well a few life lists and been trying to fulfil them ever since. That was happiness for him. It got me thinking what happiness means to me.
Regardless, I chose happiness too.